Thursday, May 29, 2008

Weirding myself out

Yesterday, I was supposed to work at the veterinary clinic from 8 am to 4 pm, working right through lunch so I wouldn't have to stay until six. At 6:05 I was the last human left in the building, and having hit the wall three hours earlier with never a hint of a second wind (sorry about the mixed metaphor, but I'm still too tired to think properly), I collapsed in my desk chair and actually had to cry for a couple of minutes before I could even consider making the 50-yard slog out to my car. And I couldn't even go straight home, as my dear family was desperate for vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup. (But would they ever call to say we were out of milk?) So I stop at Super Target, only being able to face the place by promising myself I would just get those requested items and maybe some sweet comfort food for myself before heading home to my beloved bed. But I decided I'd better use a cart rather than carry a basket, because the cart would help support me in my completely spent state. Then I remembered that we did need milk, and fruit, and vegetables, and frozen pizza, and chicken, and toilet paper, and cat litter, and...eventually I make it to the checkout, wondering whence I will summon the energy to put away at least the perishables once I get home. (The chocolate-dipped coconut macaroons would help, but only a little.) As the cashier is bagging my $165 of ice cream and syrup and miscellaneous impulse purchases, a desperate call reaches my cell phone--my family is starving and needs Chinese food! Okay, fine. One more stop, at LeeAnn Chin, and I can answer my mattress' siren song.

By the time I dump the Peking chicken on the dining room table, and find a place in cold storage for the things that won't be able to wait in the grocery bags on the kitchen floor for a day or two, it is close to 8 pm and I am nearly in tears again. As I crumple into bed and try to find a position in which at least one or two body parts aren't screaming in agony, I muse on how I got to this place in life, where everything hurt, and eight o' clock could be considered a reasonable bedtime. My hip was one of the loudest complainers, so, of course, I blamed Carol Burnett.

On "The Carol Burnett Show," she used to have a segment where she'd take questions from the audience, and one of the most popular requests (second only to "Will you do the Tarzan yell?") was for a demonstration of her popping her hip out of joint. She would then bring the audience member up on stage, position their hand on her hip, and proceed to subluxate her femoral head from her acetabulum several times in quick succession. A shocked and disgusted look would appear on the person's face, and much merriment would ensue. Pure gold.

I don't know whether I was born with a faulty hip joint that, like Ms. Burnett's, would dislocate itself at the chagrin of and for the amusement of others, or whether it was hours of practice that this frustrated would-be performer inflicted on her ligaments that made such a feat possible. All I knew is, my hip hurt, and I was too worn down to blame myself, so somebody else had to take the fall.

My son needed something after a while, and as I limped down the stairs, I got to thinking about the people on that show. Were they all still alive? I was pretty sure Tim Conway was still around, and all the others, but was Harvey Korman still with us? I was not quite motivated enough to check the Interweb right away, but made a mental note to find out later.

Today, I signed on to AOL, and one of the headlines on my welcome page was: Beloved Emmy-Winning Comic Dies, Starred on 'The Carol Burnett Show.' Oh my god, who is it? I was just thinking about the quick-or-dead status of those people yesterday! How often does one think about a show that was on the air so many years ago?

Harvey Korman died yesterday.

1 comment:

Kiwi Brooksie said...

Hi Julie, sorry to hear about that massively tiring day you had. I am impressed with your forbearance, however - you still had a massive shopping spree at Target in you, plus an emergency side trip to get some Chinese! I will think of your hard day the next time I think I am having one.

Anyways, yeah... bummer about Harvey Korman. Loved the Carol Burnett show, but also always loved his lines in "Blazing Saddles":

"Daddy loves Froggy. Froggy love Daddy?!"